The 'First Love' syndrome!

A friend of mine is in love. His first love! And he is in pain. Rough patches… I personally see no future in his story. But for him, this is it. He says, “Pyaar ek hi baar hota hai.. sacha pyaar”. I can’t help smiling. I know where he is coming from… I just tell him, “Happens… you will know better in good time!” He gives me a look and our conversation is over. Oh, I have been through this too. The 'first love' syndrome!

--

Eight years back… I was just into my second year of graduation, and probably fourth month into my first ‘love’ story! I was busy making plans for my visit home. As a student I travelled by train and that meant I had to book the tickets well in advance to be able to get a ticket. And this time I was planning my winter vacation earlier than the last time. Not around Christmas… but at least 10 days before that.

SURPRISE!

All planned except the ticket, I was sitting by the steps on my college blocks when my senior joined me. As we spoke I happened to share with him how I am looking forward to being in Guwahati by December 15. When I told him I wanted to surprise ‘her’ as it was her birthday he could not stop smiling. After grinning ear to ear for sometime he finally asked me, “Is this your first love?” I replied in positive. He patted my back and said, “I understand. We have all been through that. Don’t worry, you will know better in some years, or let’s say some relationships later.” I shrugged off. Back then ‘she’ was the one, no one else would replace her. And this was to be the lifelong relationship. Quite filmy I suppose… but what do you expect from a Bollywood buff! The senior walked away with an ‘I know all about this’ smile, leaving me more resolute that I am going to make that relationship sustain for my life. And that should not have been tough…

Two months from then as the date of journey came closer my parents desperately tried to cancel my visit. Reason: Assamese-Bihari clashes were at heights and any train passing through Bihar was not safe. Things had gone bad when a Naga girl was raped in a Delhi bound train by some Bihari youth who were retaliating to some of their friends being assaulted in Guwahati when these guys went to appear for railway exams. And now some rogues in Bihar were attacking just about every Assam-bound train. I was least concerned. I was certain that I had to reach Guwahati by the birthday. And I was willing to risk an attack… mar bhi jaaye pyaarwaale, mit bhi jaaye yaarwale, zinda rehti hai unki mohabbatein! With the lean frame of my body back then (or trust me… I used to be lean too) I was all set to fight goons, if required, to reach my destination.

No such drama happened. The train had to pass through just two stations in Bihar and that was quick. I was safe and I reached my city. Only know that my heart was to be crushed… on the BIG day! ‘She’ had suddenly realized it was all an infatuation and would not want to meet me, leave alone wear that bracelet that I had managed to buy for her. (Well frankly… it was my elder sister who paid for it!).

There I was… left alone. The world fell on me. Heart crushed…no sounds, just tears all night long, for almost a month. Sigh! I was still hopeful that she would come back.

Fact 1 - She did not return. Rather she fell for someone else.

Fact2 – Oh! I fell for someone too. And soon someone else again… and again!

Eight years from then, as I look back… I do not grieve the fact that my first love story did not turn my only. But I do celebrate the fact that I had my share of love stories… If you ask me, each break up was responsible for the growth in me as a person.  And while some really believe that I am bordering on to insanity, I believe today I know what I need better, than I did eight years back.

--

The few days back it was the birthday of my first girlfriend and that also happens to be my ‘first break-up’ day.  There are rarely better days that could portray the change in me as a person over the years.  Reactions to that message were hilarious but they only made me believe one thing… Change, sometimes, is beyond comprehension. In such cases, Love is usually the catalyst!

Here’s the message:

“Once I was willing to risk my life to do something special on this particular day. Today I wonder if it is just the date that changed or is it me! May be both... Probably I was good back then, evidently I am perfect now!”

As this year ends and another year is set to start, open your heart and let love flow in. You need not hold on to anything… just love everything that you get to experience. May the New Year bring in new loves!