A Sonnet of Heresy

The Change

It's been a wonderful week. No it was not a week of enjoyment but a week of great learning! Over the last two years I have seen changes in myself like most people do. Good or bad is a relative thing and hence would not comment on it as well. But there was a definite change – maybe some good and some not so good.

I remember my first year at college. Like everyone I was ragged. AMC Bangalore… and I was not really complaining. There was a smile. An eagerness to see more and learn more. Talk more too… and this eagerness came with a great level of positivity. And hey there was an willingness to work too. You the typical dream of earning money… doing my own stuff. The eagerness just added some more to my humility as a person and I remember some seniors saying 'Your have something special and try not to lose it'. Years later as I slog through chores of life and office I often wondered where the smile disappeared. My memory of the smile is so vague that now can't stop frowning now. There was more missing and I could not figure out what it was.

Coming back this week, I was attending the V Shantaram Awards. Unlike the awards of stature of Filmfare, this ceremony has always been very low key. There were no red carpets of fancy stuff like that. And there was something very striking bout it. And this year they decided to award veteran actress Sandhya – a prime part of V Shantaram's films. Let  me tell you she is pretty old and was the leading lady of films like Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baje and Navrang.

As Sandhyaji walked up the stage she bent, touched the floor asking for blessing of god and the stage, and then went up and made a very short speech on being chosen for the recognition. It may sound very mundane, but for a woman of her age asking for blessing was a rather touching moment. And as she left the stage with photographers trying to capture her in the best frame I felt something strange. I knew what I had gone missing in me.

Over the last two and half years I lost a lot of things in the race to make some money – smile and eagerness to learn included. And not strangely I was no more half as humble. For many, I was quite arrogant. I never intended to be so… but then…

Things change though. And small things make that happen. A spark light a fire, one person starts a revolution and so very small event made me realize I lost out on my smile as I lost out on my humility.

With so much of realization let's see if I stop being as human and try rectifying on the lines. Maybe it's time to be Noyon again! J Wish me luck!