miss you dad

Never in my life did I feel so helpless... trapped i have felt but then i could also control things then and get out of traps... but this time it was pure helplessness...

a simple call can change your life to such extent... and it leaves with almost nothing at all... a person who has always advocated that you dont stress up with what might happen or has happened suddenly felt helpless...

6 years away from home... and suddenly i feel i have the mistake of my life by coming out of home... if i was there today... maybe i could have done something... at least i would have been there to take care of things when everyone was down... and now as a sit controlling myself i can't helpwonderin why did fate have to strike... why me.... why my father...

i and my father never really shared the closeness that i would have loved to... he was always closer to my sister... and i always thought he didnt really love me till i saw tears in his eyes when i left home for the first time... he could never show his love... but that was the way he was...

and this morning when i got the call from my sister... life almost took a reverse swing... i still wonder what struck... i am out of words... out ideas... from a secure morning when i was thinkinng about some new steps forward now i have turned into the most insecure wreck... all in a few hours time...

i am suddenly a man... and i am supposed to take care of my family... everyone says i got to be strong... so i shall be... but can i e ver hold it all like you did,.. climb up like you did... against all odds?

now i understand what i feel for you dad... you are the person i owe much of what i am... i always wanted to be like you i guess... and if today you read this from some star i just want to say you... i loved you, love you and will continue to love you....

if only i could get you back i would ensure i become what you wanted... even a computer engineer that you wanted me to become... but i know you things are impossible now... just wanted to say ... you were the best dad ever... miss you

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Writing right...

It's been a long time since I actually stopped posting here... When writing is not a job, it's fun. But after writing daily for newspapers for over years now, I have discovered that this could be the worst profession one could get into.

Even a prostitute would derive pleasure to some extent from their profession... but when it's writing you suddenly discover that you have lost the jest and the urge to get creative.

So if you have a flair for writing... and love to do so, my advice would be not to join a newspaper or any such job which requires you to write non stop. You drain yourself to the extent that you stop reading what you write. And then nothing goes right.

I finally discovered what a writer's block is when I could not find anything to write on my blog... tch tch!

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Aashirwad… the blessing!
some thoughts on the classic film called Padosan

Well well well… I just saw Padosan. Yes the old one with those hit songs. And while I agree it was a remarkable film for those times I can’t help pitying the audience then for the choice of films they had. Well let’s admit it. All said and done they were bad films with terrible holes in the scripts.

At the age of 26, the guy does nothing but loiter around the whole day. Either Indians were really foolish then or the filmmakers could never think of any job another than filmmaking itself. Where did he get his money from!

Films to some extent have to be blamed for the ‘dahej’ (dowry) tradition. Darn they can’t for once stop talking about it. If only there were stray dialogues against it once in a while.

They stay in bad homes and yet went to fancy parts. And wow, there is no synchronization between the dresses they wore, the vehicles and the times they lives in!

And here’s the best line of the movie. This old woman is showering her blessing on the heroine – Saira Banu. She says “paise itna mile ki rakh ke bhool jao. Bache itne ho ki ginke sona pare.” Now I understand that money part… but kids... so many? And that’s supposed to be a blessing! No wonder we have been ahead of all people in reproducing. We are blessed country after all!

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